Why Inviting the Right Role Models into Our Homes Matters, Building Better Futures for Adolescent Boys
Why in News?
A recent column by writer and speaker Aparna Piramal Raje, published under her series How to Raise a Boy, has sparked important discussions about the role of positive role models in the lives of teenage boys. Drawing from her personal parenting experiences, Raje shared how she and her family created a dinner series—an initiative to invite young men and women as role models to engage with her adolescent sons. The piece highlights how teenage boys benefit immensely from real-life mentors beyond their parents, especially at a stage where peer influence and online culture heavily shape their identity.
This discussion has gained attention at a time when concerns are rising globally about toxic masculinity, harmful online influencers, and the lack of structured mentorship for boys. Raje’s reflections underline the pressing need for families and societies to create intentional spaces where young boys can interact with diverse, positive, and relatable adult figures.
Introduction
Raising adolescent boys has always been a complex challenge for parents. The teenage years are filled with emotional, physical, and social changes, making it a period where guidance becomes essential. Traditionally, boys were mentored by elders in communities, extended families, and cultural institutions. However, in today’s rapidly changing world, nuclear families, busy lifestyles, and digital distractions have limited these natural mentorship opportunities.
Aparna Piramal Raje’s approach—bringing role models into her home over dinner—offers a refreshing and practical model. Her idea is simple: allow adolescent boys to have real conversations with intelligent, curious, and kind young adults (“bhaiyas” or elder brothers, sometimes women too) who can expose them to a range of subjects, careers, and life experiences.
The column emphasizes three major insights:
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Adolescent boys need real-life mentors to navigate their growth.
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Parents cannot raise teenagers alone; wider community support is vital.
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Positive role models counter toxic influences, providing healthier archetypes of masculinity.
Key Issues and Institutional Concerns
1. The Lack of Role Models for Teenage Boys
In her article, Raje reflects on her earlier work with Wonder Girls, a digital learning programme for underprivileged adolescent girls. That initiative focused heavily on providing access to relatable role models, and the transformation was visible. However, this raised an important question: are boys being left behind when it comes to role models?
Girls’ mentorship programmes often include female scientists, journalists, and professionals who help broaden their worldview. Yet, boys frequently lack a similar structured exposure, especially outside sports. The absence of such mentorship opportunities leaves them vulnerable to misguided influences.
2. The Critical Age of 14 and Beyond
Citing Steve Biddulph’s seminal book Raising Boys, Raje highlights that around the age of 14, boys enter a new stage of boyhood where they require external mentors—beyond parents—who guide them into adulthood. Old societies had rituals and systems to facilitate this transition. Modern families, however, lack such mechanisms. The consequence is that boys often rely on peers, social media, and online personalities to shape their understanding of masculinity.
3. The Threat of Toxic Online Influences
Raje voices her concern about the alarming rise of online influencers such as Andrew Tate, who propagate toxic masculinity and regressive gender norms. For impressionable teenage boys, such figures can quickly become “role models,” glorifying aggression, dominance, and a distorted idea of manhood. In contrast, real-life role models—family friends, young professionals, or even uncles—can present healthier and more authentic pathways to adulthood.
4. Parenting Challenges in Modern Times
Parents today are stretched thin—juggling careers, personal goals, and household responsibilities. Adding the responsibility of intentionally creating role-model interactions may seem overwhelming. However, Raje argues that it is an investment worth making. The benefits extend not only to the boys but also to the entire family’s social fabric.
The Role Model Dinner Series: A Case Study
Aparna Piramal Raje provides an intimate look into her family’s role model dinner series.
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The Setting: A dinner table, where her sons Agastya (14) and Amartya (17) meet with young adults invited by the family. The guests, affectionately referred to as bhaiyas, include people in their 20s and 30s working in diverse fields like entertainment, finance, and climate change.
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The Conversations: Topics range from technology and pop culture to politics and cricket. These discussions expose the boys to new perspectives, encourage curiosity, and reinforce the art of meaningful conversation.
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The Impact on the Boys:
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Amartya, the elder son, appreciates hearing stories from different walks of life and broadening his worldview.
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Agastya, who loves cooking and often orchestrates the meals, enjoys learning from the varied experiences of the guests.
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Both boys see their guests not as distant figures but as approachable, knowledgeable guides who “really know their stuff.”
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Expansion of the Idea: Initially focused on younger role models, the series has now grown to include older guests—friends, acquaintances, and professionals from diverse domains. This makes the dinner table a hub of intellectual and social exchange for the entire family.
Broader Social and Cultural Insights
1. Reclaiming Community Parenting
Historically, communities took collective responsibility for raising children. Whether through initiation ceremonies, apprenticeships, or extended family mentoring, young people had multiple adult figures to look up to. Raje’s dinner model echoes this wisdom by recreating community interaction within the modern nuclear family setting.
2. Building Better Archetypes of Masculinity
Positive role models demonstrate that masculinity can mean being intelligent, empathetic, talented, and kind—qualities often overshadowed by aggressive stereotypes. By exposing boys to such figures, parents can help them redefine what it means to “be a man.”
3. The Role of Family Spaces in Education
The dinner table, often overlooked in modern busy lifestyles, becomes a site of learning, bonding, and mentorship. Raje’s approach reminds us that education is not confined to classrooms; it is equally shaped by social and familial interactions.
4. Preventing Social Isolation in Teen Boys
Teenage boys often withdraw into digital worlds or peer groups, leaving parents feeling disconnected. The dinner series bridges this gap, allowing parents to stay involved while respecting their sons’ need for independence and diverse interactions.
Challenges and the Way Forward
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Accessibility: Not all families may have access to a network of professionals or mentors willing to participate in such dinners.
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Solution: Schools, community centres, and local organisations could replicate the model by hosting regular mentorship dinners or “career evenings.”
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Time Constraints: Busy parents may find it hard to organise these dinners consistently.
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Solution: Families could start small—maybe one dinner every two months—and gradually build it into a routine.
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Scaling Beyond Families: While the idea works within one household, there is a need for institutional models. For example, structured mentorship programmes in schools and neighbourhood communities.
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Combating Online Negativity: Even with role models at home, teens remain vulnerable to toxic online influences. Parents and mentors must address these digital challenges head-on through open conversations about social media.
Conclusion
Aparna Piramal Raje’s dinner initiative is more than just a parenting experiment; it is a call to action for families and societies to rethink how we support adolescent boys. In an age where toxic influences are just a click away, creating intentional spaces for positive mentorship is crucial.
The message is clear: raising boys is not a solo project. It requires a community of engaged adults who can offer wisdom, companionship, and guidance. Whether through dinner conversations, community mentorship, or structured programmes, the need for relatable and inspiring role models has never been more urgent.
Raje’s model demonstrates that small, consistent efforts—like inviting a “bhaiya” for dinner—can have lasting impacts on shaping healthy, balanced, and fulfilled young men.
Q&A Section
Q1. Why did Aparna Piramal Raje start the dinner series with role models for her sons?
A1. She wanted her adolescent sons to interact with relatable role models outside their immediate family. Inspired by earlier work with Wonder Girls and insights from Steve Biddulph’s Raising Boys, she realized boys need external mentors to navigate adolescence and adulthood.
Q2. What kinds of guests are invited to these dinners?
A2. The guests, often referred to as bhaiyas, are young men and women in their 20s and 30s from diverse fields like entertainment, finance, and climate change. Over time, the circle has expanded to include older friends, acquaintances, and professionals.
Q3. How does the dinner series benefit the boys?
A3. The boys engage in wide-ranging conversations—from technology to politics—and gain exposure to different perspectives. It helps them cultivate curiosity, learn the art of meaningful dialogue, and develop real-life references for healthy masculinity and success.
Q4. Why are role models especially important for boys around age 14?
A4. According to Steve Biddulph’s Raising Boys, this is the stage when boys enter a new phase of growth requiring external mentors. Traditionally, societies provided initiation rites and community guidance at this age, but such systems are mostly absent today.
Q5. What broader lessons can be drawn from this model?
A5. The dinner series demonstrates the importance of community parenting, counters toxic masculinity, and shows how family spaces like the dinner table can be transformed into mentorship hubs. It also highlights the need for society-wide solutions, including school and community mentorship programmes.
